“IT’S ALL IN THE FALL”
THE MORGUE –
GRUESOME TRAINING
It fell to me to take the trainees to
the Morgue and the Coroner’s Court every four weeks. I always enjoyed the
outing as I continually learned so much about the human body and I always found
it educational and fascinating. The professor would carry out an autopsy and
give a running commentary as he proceeded with his necessary work. I had come
to know him quite well and sometimes, to break the tension, he would say, “Mr
Egge, would you like to carry out the autopsy today? “You know as much as I do
now”. I would just smile and say “No
thank you Professor, I’m not suitably dressed for it today”. All the students would look at me
quizzically, not knowing whether I could actually perform an autopsy or not.
It was a great idea to take the young
Officers to the morgue. All Prison
Officers have to deal with deaths in custody sooner or later during their
career. I found it amazing the number of people that have never seen a dead
body. I know that up until I joined the
Department of Corrective Services I too had never seen a deceased person. I was
always pleased to see that all bodies in the morgue were treated with the
utmost respect.
PETER TURTON
- JP
Mr Turton applied to become a Justice
of the Peace. He had to be sworn in so I arranged to have the Coroner swear him
in. Mr Turton came in the bus with the
trainees and me. We observed an autopsy
first. During the autopsy the professor
was showing us that the lady had died from pneumonia and squeezed some puss out
of the ladies lungs which landed in Mr Turton’s eye. Everyone was scrambling to help Mr Turton
however I could hardly stand up with laughter.
I took the class and Mr Turton into
the Coroner’s Court. The Coroner gave a great speech saying his job was always
about death and sadness and what a good change for him to swear Mr Turton in as
a Justice of the Peace. The Coroner asked every person in the court to be up
standing as Mr Turton took the oath. All
my trainees stood to attention with their caps under their arm, it was simply
brilliant.
I LOVED A
GOOD JOKE
At lunch time two trainee Officers
came into my office and said, “We heard you like a good joke Mr Egge”. I
replied “Well that depends”. They continued on, “We have a piece of liver from
the cafeteria and we are going to put it under an Officer’s hat, could you say
they are missing some body parts from the morgue?” I loved this idea as they
told me who the Officer was and where he was sitting”.
After lunch I walked into the class
room with my war face on and said, “I have just received a phone call from the
Morgue and it appears that somebody from this room has stolen body parts. “Whoever it is please step forward now”.v
Naturally there was no reply. I raised my voice and said, “Be a man step
forward now and all that will happen to you is you will get the sack, if you
don’t step forward now I will call the Police and you will be charged and sent
to gaol where you will be fucked by ten men every day.
By now I was really playing the
part. As expected no one had stepped
forward so I began to look around the class room for evidence, turning their
hats over as I walked around. As I came
to the Officer concerned, I flipped his hat over and said “What’s this?” The
look on the Officer’s face was priceless.
He was so shocked he simply couldn’t speak. He thought he was getting the sack and going
to gaol all in one fowl swoop. I couldn’t in all conscience keep the poor
beggar holding on for long.
